Changes

I knew this year was going to be a year of transition with my day job as well as my writing. That crossroads I discussed before as suddenly turned into an abrupt fork in the road. The difference? I am no longer sitting at the wheel. Some one else has taken over and now I have to wait to see which turn is made before I can react.

I did manage two baby steps this week.
One: I sent two entries to a writing contest. A real writing contest that provides feedback. I managed to push send without actually throwing up. I am not sure I will be able to say the same about reading the feedback.
Two: I launched Story Twister.

That is something, right?
Saturday, I will be going even a step further by attending a RWA chapter meeting. I am so excited !

Twilight of Summer

School starts on Monday. This summer was not good. I attended two funerals ( one saddening and one heart wrenching). I made the very grown up and unbearable decision to allow my best four legged friend to be free from her suffering. I prayed without ceasing for a dear friend who spent over a month in the hospital recovering from a horrible accident.

I missed my father more than usual.
 
 I wrote very little.

 In June I gave myself these goals:

1. Finish editing "Book 2" and give the poor thing a title!
2. Take an online writing course
3. Launch StoryTwister
4. Finish editing "Book 1"

1. I did finish editing Book 2. It still has no title.
2. I did enroll in a writing course about Forensics for Writers. I quit after the first three weeks because the material was not what I expected and dreadfully boring.
3. I did NOTHING with Story Twister ( Probably one of my most disappointing failure to completes)
4. I did revision Book 1 ( again) 


And the "Big One": send one query to prove I can....

 Evidently, I can't.


I am at the same crossroads I mentioned a few months ago. I took the position with the organization that is dear to my heart, but unrelated to writing.  My work schedule for the next nine months is INSANE. I am worried. I am scared and, worst of all, I am haunted by the feeling this ( my job, the organization, etc) isn't what I want to be doing.

A little less conversation... A little more action

I have made a decision.
I am taking a blog break. Not from  this blog. Although, I am pretty sure only one person might even possibly notice if I did that. (Thank you, Jody, for being my single follower!) Is anyone else out there?????????

*crickets*

Anyway, I am taking a week long break from the seven other blogs I read daily. These are author's and agent's blogs. Blogs I didn't know existed until a year ago when I decided to start researching the publishing process. They have been a wealth of information and I deeply enjoy them, but while I am discussing writing everyday, I am not writing everyday.

For the 34 years before I read these blogs, I wrote. I didn't care if I was writing for the current market or if anyone else was ever going to read it. I just wrote. I miss that. I miss the absent of pressure for my writing. I want remember what it was like to write only for me.

Maybe I will come up with a brilliant new plot line, maybe not. But I hope to at least remember my voice and why, even though the world may never read my work....
I am a writer. 

Blocked

So, I am not doing so great.
First of all, I am 35 today. THIRTY-FIVE! 3-5. UGH. How did that happen? I was 24 just yesterday!

Second, I am not writing. I tried. I have over 15,000 words of a new manuscript and I just stopped. Stopped before I even got to the "good" part, which had inspired me in the first place. I feel like I am trying too hard.

My brain has become a cider block. I used to have three or four story lines a day running through my head. It was like having satellite channels in my mind. For the past couple of weeks, there has been nothing but static. Plenty of lights and noise to occupy my thoughts (Work, the house, my husband, the kids, my mother, school supplies, vet appointments,blah, blah blah,) But I feel like I am forcing any amount of words onto the paper and I don't like any of them.

I wonder if it is because I did decide to get serious about publication. Instead of just writing, like I always have, I am reading agent blogs, writer, blogs, email loops. I am overwhelmed by information about how to write instead of thinking of what to write. 

I am considering taking a week long break from all the blog reading and letting my brain decompress.

Coming out

I have decided to come out... No, I am not gay. I am coming out as myself. I have been hiding behind a screen name on my blogging, commenting and generally anything writing related. So, I am coming out. My name is Dawn. Not Emily (Though, I do think Emily is beautiful name). I used a screen name because I thought it would be easier if Emily failed at writing, but Dawn didn't.

I am tired of hiding behind it. I am a writer... ME.. DAWN.


I have written nothing in the two weeks since my summer started. I think part of my block has been the refusal to accept this is the direction I want to go. I want to be known as a writer!

So, there it is... For the two people in the world who might possibly being reading this. My name is Dawn. In real life and online... Nice to meet you.

Finally Summer

It is finally summer. I am free from (most) obligations. I certainly I have more time to write. Here are the goals I have set for myself before Aug. 12th when I return to the real world.

1. Finish editing "Book 2" and give the poor thing a title!
2. Take an online writing course
3. Launch StoryTwister
4. Finish editing "Book 1"

and the BIG ONE

Send at least ONE query just to prove I can!

Crossroads

I am at an intersection. Just me at a four way stop. In the next few weeks, I will either have to hit the blinker and make the turn or barrel through on the path I have set.

An opportunity to become re-involved in a professional organization I truly value and believe to be vitally important has arisen for me. It is a strong time commitment.  But could lead to more professional opportunities, networking, presentations, etc.

Hours after the opportunity was presented. My husband made his own proposal. If we can eliminate our credit card debt, which is a possibility  within a year ( if we truly focus) or two ( if we aren't as stringent), I can quit and make a serious attempt at pursuing publication.

So, here I am... hands on the wheel... tank full of fuel... an no direction to go.