Monday, April 1, 2013

The Worst Prank Ever

No Makeover Monday today. The Easter Bunny brought me a horrendous sinus infection. Hard to organize with a 50 lb weight on each cheek. Instead, I decided to rerun the post below. We buried my Dad on April Fool's Day nine years ago. This just seems to fit. 

The Worst Prank Ever
How to make your daughter cry in 30 seconds or less

Dad sometime in the 80's
 When my boyfriend and I abruptly dropped our plans for the Fourth of July and made the three hour trip to my parents' house. I'm pretty sure my Dad already knew what was coming. Especially when mom and I announced we were going shopping and leaving the two of them alone.

First, Dad tried to encourage Scott go shopping with us. When Scott insisted he would rather stay and hang out with him. Dad decided there were a few "chores" that needed immediate attention around the house.

Like cutting down a tree in the back pasture.

So, as I drove away with my mother, knowing full well Scott was going to ask my dad to marry me.

My Dad was smiling, waving and revving a chainsaw!

My mother promised me that Dad would not kill Scott and hide is body in the back pasture. I wasn't so sure.

Dawn and Scott 1997
 A little less than an hour later, my Mom and I were strolling through the mall, heading for the wedding dress store when her cell phone rang.
Checking the display she said, "It's your Dad."
I was all smiles when I answered. "Hi, Daddy!"

Dad was loud, but he rarely yelled and usually did not cuss when talking to me. 

"What do you mean this S.O.B wants to marry you?" He was yelling.
I laughed at first. "Well, you know. He kind of likes me."
Dad got louder. "Well, I told him no. I told him he was not welcome in this family. He told  me to go F*&# myself and took off. He's walking to town right now!"

At that moment, I burst into tears in the middle of Dillards.

My mother took the phone while a very sweet cosmetic counter lady comforted me with a box of tissues. Through the my sobs, I heard my mother saying things like "Well, what did you say?" Pause "What did he say?" Pause. "Why is he walking? Why didn't he take his truck?" Pause. Longer Pause. Longer Pause.

Mom and Dad early 80's
Then, my mother's face changed. She stepped behind a makeover screen, which offered no real sound protection and let loose with a string of insults, ending with "This is your idea of a joke? Your daughter is crying. Crying. Right now in the middle of the store." Then she turned to me, "It's a joke, Dawn. It's a joke. Everything's fine."

I took the phone, through the tears and uncontrollable shaking, I was able to hear my Dad's booming laugh and the words, "I'm sorry, baby. I thought it was April Fool's Day!"

I could barely speak to him or my future husband for the rest of the weekend. Although, my husband disavowed any knowledge of a plot to tease me. He swears he was in the bathroom the whole time. Yeah, right.

So, how did the conversation really go?

Scott: I'm  sure you know why we're here... I want to marry your daughter.
Dad (putting down chainsaw) : Well, if you know her well enough to want to marry her, you know if that's what she wants, there's nothing I can do to stop her. So, welcome to the family. Want some ice tea?
Scott: Thank you. Tea sounds good.
Dad (Patting Scott on the back): Let's call Dawn.

 Miss you, Dad.