Thursday, March 22, 2012

Why I hate March

Thinking about Thursday

I hate March.

I hope you will forgive me a little slip into the puddle of self-pity today. I don't do it often, and rarely in public.  You see, eight years ago this month was the worst moment of my entire life.

But, it was eight years ago, and I'm supposed to be passed it now. I am supposed to be a grown up and reasonable. I'm not supposed to sit and cry like it was yesterday or throw myself on the floor and scream, "It's not fair!" like I really want to do. Anyway, I've tried both and neither are particularly productive.

Usually, I just keep going. That's what we do, right? Just keep swimming in the sea of denial. Because if you stop, you might have to deal with it, and if you deal with it, it might be real.

So, ignore the fact you can't hardly breathe, plug your fingers in your ears and sing happy thoughts to yourself while pretending everything is fine.

Works for me. Or at least it did until my neighbor two doors over lost her father today the same way I lost mine.

Then March jumped up and smacked me in the face.

So, I hate March.
Cancer sucks.

I'll be better tomorrow.
That is all.


Jessica R. Patch said...

Thinking about you and praying for you on this hard day, hard month. Hugs, friend!

Dawn Alexander said...

Thanks, Jess.
Instead of praying for me, please pray for my cousin who is in the final stages of breast cancer and a friend of the family who found out this past weekend he has prostate cancer.

I didn't have a chance to comment, but your post yesterday really helped my heart.

Teri Anne Stanley said...

Who says you're supposed to be over it? If there is one thing I'm learning about life and death as I get older, it's that everybody processes this stuff differently. The two women I'm closest two both lost their mother's recently, and THAT's been a process for them as well as me.

Yes, Cancer sucks. But there is this God thing out there, and it (the God thing, I prefer not to genderize it) will get us all through whatever we have to get through. Hang in there, April is coming.

Dawn Alexander said...

Thanks, Teri. You're pretty great to have around. :)

Anonymous said...

Yeah...what is it about March? My mother died on March 31 almost six years ago, and my hubby's dad just found out he has prostate cancer.

It's my birthday month, but still kinda sucky. I feel ya...hugs!!