Last January, when I wrote this post I hoped to be celebrating the changes brought on during 2010. Now, as 2011 creeps closer, I realize I got the changes. Just not the celebration.
Back when no one read this but me, I wrote about my career. Even as I toyed with the idea of chasing my dream to be an author, I worried it wasn't what I was meant to do. I was snuggled into my comfort zone. Teaching wasn't as challenging and fulfilling as it had once been, but it was safe. I knew I could do it. I wasn't going to fail.
I linked the previous post because I am still right there. All of those thoughts are with me daily. This year was not what I expected at all. Changes have been smacking me in the face.
My position is being relocated. If I stay with teaching then next year I will be starting over on a new campus with new people... again. My comfort zone is being unraveled.
This would be the time to make a solid, clean break. Teaching will always be there. I can always go back. But, for the first time ever, the opportunity to write full time is a viable option. I don't know if I will always have the courage to try. I am not sure I have the courage now.
I feel like I have climbed to the top of the high dive. I already know how to swim, but staring down at the water. I am too terrified to jump in.