I am a bath person. Not for getting clean, I definitely prefer showers for that. But for relaxing and what I consider, "washing off the day".
Tonight, my bath became a metaphor for my career.
I like what my husband calls, "Lobster Baths". Just enough cold water to keep your skin from actually scalding. Tonight I got distracted while the tub was filling. My bath turned out a step above luke warm.
But I got in anyway. I tried to soak and relax. It wasn't uncomfortable. There were plenty of bubbles. My children were occupied. No one bothered me, but I realized it wasn't what I wanted. I stayed in because I was already there. Not because I was enjoying it.
I considered emptying it and starting over, but I knew there would not be enough hot water this time. I worry about that with writing. When I started my current career, I was young, single and full of energy. Not to mention set on changing the world. I am not that person anymore. I am far from old, but I am settled, married and a mom. I have seen the world for what it is and know I am far from its savior. I worry I will run out of talent, energy, determination and everything I else I need.
Just like the hot water.
*This is a repost from September 2009*
My situation has not changed yet, but will in the next few weeks.
So, what are you thinking today? Have any big changes/decisions looming in your future? Is it terrible to stay in your comfort zone when you really long to do something else?
Whoa, we really are separated at birth! I live for the hour when I can turn on the taps and settle down in the tub. And think deep thoughts (get it? Bath...water...deep?).
Okay, I don't really think deep thoughts in there, mostly I read and escape from the day.
I don't think that a comfort zone is a bad thing--there is nothing wrong with having a good life and being satisfied with that--but those comfort zones can keep us in a rut, too. I decided back in January that 2011 would be my year of living fearlessly. It's May. Haven't stepped out of the CZ yet...
I have decided that I really don't want to work for a living. So I'm going to start playing the lottery, win a jillion dollars and retire to tend my garden and write brilliant yet trashy fiction. I'll let you know how that works out!
There are many, many times I wish I could get out and DO something. Anything! But so many factors prohibit me from doing so. I get these powerful, passionate, painful pangs (nice alliteration HA!) in my chest sometimes that I'm supposed to be doing something GREAT! But I don't... I'm not.... it gets rather depressing.
During those times, I have to force myself to look around and list all the things I have, all the things I've done that are good... acknowledge that I am very fortunate in many things I take for granted. Then ask myself, would I throw it all away just for a bit of excitement or change? Would the momentary thrill be worth it? The momentary thrill passes and even the change becomes a rut after time, then what?
Desiring change and excitement is probably human nature; how we react to that desire is character.
I don't mean to get all philosophical. >.< I don't take baths... I smoke cigarettes to think. (I know it's bad, but the addiction is horrible.)
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